Working with Change, A Personal Reflection

After writing several posts on relational rupture, ending old narratives, and rebuilding compassion in relationship, I want to take time this week to chat about working with change. Many people understand cognitively what it requires to act on change, however, actually showing up for yourself in a different way takes extreme courage. Something I learned recently in a workshop through Dr. Gabor Mate, is people spend most of their life 'working against themselves' more than 'against others'. I completely agree with this! It propelled me into a new mindset, as I have been on a journey of what it means to work with my own Self while sustaining loving relationships with others around me. What I am finding is the more I make a home in my own body, the more comfortable I naturally am around others. It also was not until recently I named that my avoidant behavior (which I learned throughout childhood) ended up playing a role in how I also avoided my body when I needed to tend to my nervous system most.

In order to start working with change, you have to start self-actualizing the connections and life you would like to live, while fully trusting YOU each step of the way. Trusting your word, your actions, and your weaknesses enough that you want to do the opposite of what has been engrained in you since you were little. There is honestly no secret or wild theory out there in the world today that is going to get you from A to Z, other than the sacred relationship you have with your own Self. For example, on the days that I get shortness of breath or feel like I am unworthy of good things, I pause and say out loud, "This moment is temporary. I am on the path I was always meant to walk and it is OKAY I am struggling in my body right now". I then place a hand on my heart and say, "You are loved, worthy, and capable. The thoughts now are not true and do not define me or the path ahead". As I continue to practice these simple mantras, I am discovering overtime that I am not battling another voice in my mind as much as I use to. I am actually finding that the voice I speak to myself in is becoming aligned with who was always been Me to begin with. The pain around certain life experiences may never go away, however, the way I show up each time the pain hits, does get easier to have a relationship with. I can validate this knowing how long it has taken me to just now get to a point where I am living with a more comfortable, secure mindset.

On the radio this afternoon as I was ironically leaving the chiropractor, I heard a segment on leadership. The host was talking about if there is anything we could all use in our life, it is a grounded mentor. This resonated with me on a deeper level. I do not think that I ever truly understood the power in true mentorship until this recent year in my own health journey. I am beyond grateful for a couple doctors who have been unapologetically honest and keep themselves informed with the real truths of bettering our bodies. I am also grateful for those older than me who continue to hold "the version of me that I may not see yet". I actually know I am walking in a version of myself right now I did not know was possible years ago, and I know in my heart those who helped me then are smiling at how I am walking through life now.

As I sit in the therapy chair ending today, I do believe therapists are a wonderful place for people to grieve and be a wreck without expectations of a greater plan ahead. I am also finding it true we need educated, grounded mentors more than ever in our medical system to advocate for others in a way they are full on capable of making real, lasting change. Much like we invest our money and add to growing stocks every year, we have to invest in our bodies for them to gift us the opportunity to live a healthier life ahead. The only way we do this is through trusting those who have gone through similar complexities before us and trusting ourself enough to not get complacent in our body's survival state. Another post to follow on this personal journey specific toward navigating the medical system.

For now,

May we all keep showing one another how to live intentionally and consciously through changing behaviors that inspire life-giving ripple effects in others' misguided stories.