This weeks thoughts are going to be centered around how people are "measuring their life around timelines that were written for a world that is slowly non-existent". I was very inspired by a recent post made by @_journeystartshere on instagram. I owe her the initial credit for what she wrote.
She stated:
My therapist said to me:
'The reason you feel "behind" in your 30s ins't because you failed at timing. It's because you're measuring your life against a timeline that was written for a world that doesn't exist anymore. Your parents milestones were mapped for an economy that died, a housing market that vanished, and relationships that didn't have to survive social media. You're not behind. You're navigating a new way through.'
When I posted her quote to my story on instagram I had at least five different people reach out in a short time period to say this finally put words to their current experience. Much like myself, I found her words to bring comfort in a phase of life that feels messy and like starting all over again. I don't know about you, however, I have felt heightened anxieties more than I ever have around what it means to 'keep up with the times, while also trying to create a simpler way of life to maximize time with those I love.
I am also finding it extremely difficult to push through an unspoken veil of societal pressures while continuing to do what I enjoy at a bare minimum. Even though logic and every mindfulness model would say, be where you are now without life's interruptions taking away from your truest Self. The reality is, with our current generation everyone is so overly stimulated and flooded with a million different ways to be living life on social media, that it is taking away from certain simplicities in relationship and making it more difficult for individuals to know oneself (let alone know what a 'healthy' relationship is). I see this a lot in pre-teens as they are trying to find things that fuel more of an identity. If the adults in kids lives right now are keeping themselves distracted and in the sea of social media too, how are children suppose to find their feet and ground themself in their truest nature? Maybe an article for another time, although rings true when it comes to why this fast pace, overworked culture is not sustainable. The reality of social media does not always portray the reality of the grind it takes to really make something of yourself. When social media becomes the reality, the self-defeat that comes for those unable to be in that mindset creates a lot of unspoken tension. This tension then plays a role in connection with loved ones.
I am tracking more patterns within the earlier stages of romantic relationships right now that truly bring my heart sadness. A common theme happening is couples walking into therapy with very high expectations of one another, making it difficult for each other to see what is right in front of them. My hunch is that from the all the "overstimulation that social media and new age trends bring, that people are now searching for this same maintained high within their relationship". If this is not being met in the relationship, people search for this high elsewhere. For example, one person might be expecting their significant other to be constantly giving affirmations, meanwhile, the other person might be wanting daily connection in ways that are just not the reality of long-term 'maintenance' within a relationship. There are smaller daily interactions and curtsies that people are naturally doing in their relationship that goes unnoticed often.
We have absolutely come a long way in terms of understanding intergenerational traumas and re-addressing healthier balance in relational dynamics. As a culture there are clinicians and experts also normalizing what this balance looks like more and more. There are still generational gaps and new ways of living that I believe bring a lot of confusion to some couples as they are creating stronger values within the relationship.
Decision making skills and not having as many trustworthy supports outside of couples relationships is something that people are struggling more to find. It is HUGE for anyone doing couples work to be really intentional about what autonomy, family values, and certain preferences are for each person so couples can start re-anchoring themself in a world that does feel overwhelming (especially with so many opinions flying around and a lack of family traditions).
I want to encourage any couple right now finding it hard to re-attune to each other, to start being curious as to what it means to create your 'own timeline' outside of everything you watch or read. To ask one another what your natural strengths are and honestly name what you struggle with most. To name lost traditions and values that you know held you accountable as a kid, that now feel forgotten or lost. Going back to the basics will always provide clarity for re-structuring the foundation of your relationship now.
Feel free to comment or start continued dialogue around this topic below.
ART
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